whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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