so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
