The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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