it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
