The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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