sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're a waste of cheezeits
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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