love makes seman taste better
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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