the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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