Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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