you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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