I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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