ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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