My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
