she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ruined the universe
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
