she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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