I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize