It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
