Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
