well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
