I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
