vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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