dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
