I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
