And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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