Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
