So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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