you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
