Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
