Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
