i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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