We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
