I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My vagina is officially offended.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
