dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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