I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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