I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
