i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
