I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
