I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
