Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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