after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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