so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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