I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
