Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
