I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And the cops told us we were all naked.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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