So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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