The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize