party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
