As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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