Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
