Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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