Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
