Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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