i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
