ttyl tear gas
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
3 2 1 whiskey
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
