It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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