the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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