Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
