I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
