Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
