Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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