It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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