Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
