Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
