I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
