Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
