Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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