I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
