I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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