maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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