his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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