Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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