the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
