It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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