There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
