I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
