i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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