It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
