i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
