she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
